Walking – Thinking – Walking – Thinking
Each step walk, each step think.
a walking meditation, excercising the muladhara,
Connecting with earth and soft mud.
Avoiding the squelchy parts that have been invaded and trampled over. Grassy verges have turned grey brown, new paths forged. Smooth flattened earth. A flash of dusty pink, a jay landing on a branch then hopping across to another. Nature saves the day.
So what do you do when your shadow side darkens your day? When ugly thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, take hold, that kind of thing ? Do you even know what to do ? Have you got it covered, able to shrug it away ?
Here’s what I did. I journaled it, I went for a walk, a little journey. Arrived at a point when I actually took stock, able to look deeper at the story hiding in the shadows of the the shadow. The thing behind the surface darkness. A mysterious place and not in a good way either. whilst the surface reactions are not very nice, the hidden story is one that requires honesty, self questioning and a lot of digging.
” Why am I thinking this ? Why is my body energy kicking in, nerves jumping up and down? Is it an ego thing or is it about self esteem or both ? Are they one and the same thing ?” At any rate the shadow side has a message and a teaching within. When I’m brave enough and decide to honestly confront my own self, truth will emerge. I can know what it is that irks me so. However unpalatable. To ask for grace, learn and move on.
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It definitely is about not being able to recognise that its fear talking. I’m glad you found your faith, spirit and love is the way. It takes a brave heart to address the fear and in this current climate of pandemic I think many are going through this and the struggle is being more openly acknowledged and shared. Love to you my brother 🙏🏼
I meant to say “unlike many poor souls…..”
Oh wow!
We have a lot to share with each other!!!
I’ve been there and still go there from time to time.
The difference is it used to terrify me. Literally frozen, stuck, unable to move, a log jam in my mind. Overwhelmed but not really knowing what I was afraid of. Not even recognising it as fear initially. Then, I believe, as an introvert, the self criticism begins……the self hate….. the shame……but no reason or story behind it, which makes the guilt worse.
(there is still nothing significant, no one to blame, no story to tell like many poor souls who have suffered terrible abuse or neglect)
In contrast, I go there now with interest and curiosity, love, kindness and compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.
It’s been a long and ongoing journey, that, no surprise, began in my younger years.
With no childhood faith to speak of, I was baptised as an adult, choosing to follow Jesus, which I have continued to do with varying levels of commitment and enthusiasm over the last 17 years but he was faithful and has always been there for me.
As an Engineer too, my parallel journey of self knowledge through psychology, neuroscience, mindfulness and spirituality continue to draw me towards the truth that I find in a personal relationship with Jesus.
I love nature too, it really helps!